Am I the bad friend?

“We tend to really notice when we are done wrong, when others are forgetting about us.” | Denis Novikov/Getty Images Friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson recently came to a realization about her social media engagement: Any time she posts content that centers the viewer as the wronged party of the story she is telling — like how to know if your friends are venting too much or why your friendship expectations feel mismatched — it performs extremely well with her 420,000-plus followers across Instagram and TikTok. “We tend to really notice when we are done wrong, when others are forgetting about us,” Jackson said. “We are center to the story.” These numbers are part of a larger shift that Jackson and other experts have observed when it comes to modern friendship. These relationships are increasingly seen as something to engage in when it’s convenient or beneficial — specifically when they are beneficial to you. In short, friendship today has a touch of selfishness. Everyone wants to have good friends but are less concerned with how to be a good friend. Most people say friendship is important to them, but often act in ways that contradict that sentiment. We want friends to show up to our birthday parties but might not bat an eye at canceling on them. We yearn for connection but only want to hang out if it’s at the right time, right place, and with the right people. Otherwise, staying home is far more appealing. “The socializing opportunity has to be so overwhelmingly pos